Useful
Tips from Crocodile Joe...
On Mary Sue
writing:
1. The characters are not you. If you think they are, um no, I'm sorry,
they're not. No, they really aren't. You might share certain traits or characteristics
or have similar taste in things as a certain character, but you will never be
that character, no matter how much you try and write them. No, you can't. You can't.
I'm sorry, but you just can't.
Because it's not possible.
Why? Well, because for now you
live on planet Earth. Earth. Yes,
Earth! Yes. Yes, it is a nice planet.
Yes, the ozone and
deforestation
things *are* kind of stressful. Can we
please stick to the issue at hand? Now
then, on with the character writing.
Sometimes writers can develop a feeling that they relate to the
characters, and that is fine. However,
since you really aren't them, please don't have them reenact you. They are not speaking just like you, because
you are not them. If you like,
create a
character that emulates your thoughts.
2. If you do this, please, please, please
for the love of God and everything you hold in the slightest bit sacred,
refrain from writing a fic where the character based on you is simply loved by
all the characters for no reason. It's
pointless and annoying. And an ego
trip.
3. If you're writing a character based on
yourself and the character is the focus of attention, at least make it
interesting. If you don't, people
simply won't care. How can you make it
interesting? Don't fill the fic with
stuff about how wonderful the character based on you is. No, don't.
Because that's boring and it usually comes off as looking somewhat
pathetic.
4. If you write the character based upon
yourself in, don't do it in an annoying way.
Try to work the character in gradually at least, and not plop them
simply in the middle of the show as if they have always been there. And if you do go ahead with doing that, at
least have a *realistic* explanation.
Give background that makes sense with what you know about the
characters. You don't know as much about the characters
as me? Well, that's little
surprise. Because I’m really into the
show. Don't use that tone of voice with
me, I’m trying to help you here.
Perhaps you should see someone down the hall... No? You just need deep breaths? All right.
I see this is trying upon your ego.
No, you can't do a fic that's live action. Because that wouldn't work.
Because it wouldn't. No, I have
no idea why, let's just move on...(rolls eyes)
On Writing Kit:
1. Kit is not a whiny, bratty, self-hating, or
self-loathing person. He is also not a
Neanderthal/Bigfoot type creature. He
is not reptilian. He is also not a
giant hunk of cheese. If you are
thinking of writing him as any of these things, please cease from doing so
immediately if you want to keep him in character. No, Kit would never kick puppies and push old ladies in
gutters. You're becoming nervous and
agitated looking...would you like a cup of water?
2. Kit is not resentful of Baloo. Baloo is his friend and although they have
what appears a parental relationship, it is actually more complicated. What we can tell you is that Kit looks up to
Baloo, although he doesn't take to heart everything Baloo says because sometimes
Baloo likes to take the short cut in life and/or his beliefs simply collide
with Kit's. Kit is rather hooked on the
idea that the easy way out isn't always the best. Furthermore, his relationship with Baloo is one based more on
friendship than the role of a parent.
That's not to say he doesn't love Baloo with the way he would a
parent. They have a balanced
relationship, and the only thing that stands out as unusual is the way in which
they treat each other as equals. These
components are to be considered when writing because:
a) Writing Kit
as too dismissive in a way that implies he doesn't take Baloo seriously at all,
or Kit as not really believing Baloo loves him are unbelievable story
ideas. Because they are. You look red and swarthy...here...(hands a
throw pillow over)… that should make things easier.
b) Writing
Baloo thinking of Kit as just a friend or as someone who he hangs out with, and
who he doesn't appreciate, or love like family, is also somewhat unlikely. Baloo has a track record of not noticing Kit
enough on certain occasions, but it’s never deliberate.
3. Kit is basically a peaceful person, but he
would never hurt someone without just cause. Kit is good but not a goody-goody.
4. Kit's diction: I've noticed that sometimes people like to write him with a
rather ignorant tone. Kit may have been
through a lot, but he can still speak clearly.
He is not from the Ozarks. Why
am I certain of this? Because I'm
psychic. Yes, that is amazing...let's
move ahead, shall we? His narrative
voice is a little kid's and he does have many intonations of one, in attitude,
but his vocabulary is actually fairly clear.
He doesn't speak with a 30's "Dick Tracy-ish" type of
accent. He is not from New York. Why must you be so difficult?? I know these things from studying the show
with my oh so keen eye. This can only
*benefit* you. Here, have some more
water.
5. Kit is also intelligent but he isn't
Superman, for crying out loud. He
cannot operate the space shuttle or incinerate armies.
6. Kit is tough, but he's not tough in the way
that he's only tough to make that a cover.
He isn't, and I repeat and cannot stress how important this is, A
THERAPY case. Not a bad one, at
least. Leave your own emotional baggage
at the door when you write him, because if you haul in your own miserable
childhood experience where the clown laughed at you and shucked peanuts at your
face, the audience will pretty much know what you're doing. This also falls into the Mary Sue zone. Kit comes across problems just like everyone
else, but he is not a basket case who cries at the drop of a hat. Or..uh...pillow.
7. Whining:
Said it before but I’ll say it again.
He wants to fly but he's not annoying about it. Give him the benefit of not aggravating
people. He isn't the sort of person who
will ask and ask and ask and keep asking for something and not shut up
about it. He's more the personality
type to see a goal that he wants to accomplish and try to get there on his
own. As far as flying goes, yes, he's
eager, but even he has his limits.
8. This brings us to humility. I believe Kit has this quality, but that
does NOT mean he's got no self-esteem.
He feels GOOD about himself.
Stop huffing. Drink your
water. Would you like a cold washcloth?
9. MOST IMPORTANT: He has concern for others, but he isn't perfect. He has the good sense not to blame himself
for everything and to recognize when other people are wrong about him. Don't have him beat up on himself. He has a conscience, and would most likely
feel bad if he felt he hurt someone, but really, he isn't the type to hate
himself. As for Kit's past, who knows,
although you have to be realistic.
Don't lay out the whole trauma train on us, please. Kit never committed murder. Why?
Because I said so. Kit never saw acts of torture, S&M, or pig
wrestling. Well, I don't know about
that last one, but I’m hoping for his sake it's true. As for the category of "violent things that Kit saw",
just think to yourself about how well-adjusted Kit is, and how much more messed
up he’d be (and isn't) if he saw something really sadistically violent. He gives the indication that he's had it
rough, but he doesn't lie awake at night thinking of how Mother tied him to his
bed and screeched at him for using WIRE HANGERS!!!!
On Writing
Baloo:
1. Baloo would never lay a hand on Kit, so
that's out of the question. Just
crumple that idea up and throw it out.
Good! We're making so much
progress.
2. Baloo is not a stupid hick,
either. His diction is only slightly
more informal in terms of slang than Kit's but don't go overboard. He doesn't speak half his words with '
at the end, okay? Don't clutter his speech with ain't in every sentence. Sometimes yes, but not every sentence. Because I’m an English major, and I can't
bear to see it overused AND it doesn't suit the character. Why else?
I have a trout in my hands...would you like to rephrase that? You would.
I'm so glad you came to me...
3. Baloo can be goofy, warm-hearted,
comedic, sometimes selfish, and sometimes manipulative, and sometimes
sneaky. But don't overdo it, because
you have to remember these attributes can often be used for good. Baloo has a pretty big conscience too. Don't
write Baloo as say...a total jerk who's only out for his own personal
gain. Or as someone just looking for a
fight.
4. Baloo by nature can be forgetful, or
just plain unobservant, and happily ignorant of how someone really feels, but
he is NOT cruel. It is very important
to remember that Baloo's character is summarily defined by his empathy for
people. By nature he is compelled, even
when Kit's not around, to do the right thing.
5. The way Baloo treats others. Don't write him as cold or steely or SO
SELF-ABSORBED that he seems that way.
That is a LARGE mistake. He
*has* been self-absorbed before, but it never lasted, and he *learned* from
those instances on how negative it is.
Remember this. Also remember
that his self-absorption never took the form of self-hate. He never let feeling sorry for himself
destroy his relationships...he corrected the mistakes when he made them. Which brings me to…
6. Baloo does not give up,
people!!!! He is not a quitter. And I repeat again, he is NOT so
self-absorbed that he would say, let a woman cry without trying to comfort
her. Or just blow up at someone that
didn't deserve it.
7. Don't make him a hick. Said it before, but can't stress it
enough. He may be kind of ignorant, but
he's not totally stupid. Lazy
sometimes, but there are people way cruder than him.
8. He can be moody, but that type of
moodiness is more like grumbling. It’s
not the intense, “the sun is never going to shine again” type of bad mood.
On Writing
Becky:
1. She is not a little housemaid. She is not Betty Crocker. She can cook and clean; she is a versatile
working mother. But she is not
subservient. She doesn't come out with
cookies to people unless she thinks it'll brighten their mood, and by that I
mean, open their checkbooks. Kapiche?
2.
She is not heartless, and she does care for everyone at H4H. She is busy and easily distracted but she
doesn't get angry without reason.
3.
Okay, so sometimes she goes overboard. But being rich is not the only
important thing in the world to her, and she realizes that. She is a balance between wanting to be rich,
and being happy with what she has, or going back and forth between the two.
4.
Her relationship with Kit is definitely maternal, but their bond on the
show was less portrayed so we have only a fragmentary view that she does care
about him, but the extent is actually unclear.
Just remember that she does care, and isn't totally indifferent about
him. It doesn't mean she worships the
ground he walks on, either. I think she
expects a certain level of achievement from him because of what she thinks he's
capable of, and has the potential for.
On Writing
Molly:
1. She is Becky's daughter. Uh...go nuts.
2. Well, okay, a few guidelines. She wouldn't become a violent maniacal
fanatic who wants to blow up the world.
Apart from that...just go with your gut.
On Writing
Wildcat:
1. Gentle nature, likes everyone, wouldn't hurt a fly.
2. His intelligence is the most
important element. He sort of lives in a
world of his own, and that's the most important thing to remember about
him. Also, he changes in the levels of
comprehension he shows to what others are saying. He understands emotions a lot better than plans. But he's not Forrest Gump. Gah! Forrest was a blockhead who I rooted
for...to die, that is. Wildcat is a lot
more likeable. Smiles often, and
actually has a broad emotional range; from hurt, to empathy, to fear, to humor,
to shock, and finally to anger, but only if, it seems, someone is hurting
someone else.
On Writing
Karnage:
1. Sigh, no, he's not a serial killer. Apart from that I can't say much because I
just don't really care for the character much.
Don't go too crazy with the wordplay, he does have some English
skills. Concentrate more on proper
accent or having him make funny little remarks when he doesn't know it.
2. Oh, and if you’re writing a scene where he
has a prisoner, just don’t go to the land of make-believe. Yes, he can intimidate well, but he would
never say, slice someone’s jugular open for sassing back at him. Unless they were an Olsen twin, or
something. Just because.
On Writing
Shere Khan:
Very
businesslike. Has a lot of
dignity. Don't portray him as mean,
though. He really isn't. (looks pleadingly with big pleading anime
eyes) He's just...misunderstood. His
priorities are usually private, and concealed, which is a big talent of his,
really.
I’m
exhausted. I hope you've enjoyed our
time together. Your tab is
$215.65. You can give the receptionist a
check on your way out. We also take
Visa. Good bye!